Loss and Love in "All the Living"

Aloma and Orren have both suffered a loss in their lives, but at very different times of their lives, and each was affected in a very different way than the other. The loss in each of their lives strongly affects how each love. The relationship between the two is strained because of their contradicting ways of loving.

Aloma lost her parents at age three, and does not have much of a memory of them. Her aunt and uncle took her in and treated her well enough, but sent her off to school at twelve. On the loss of her parents, Aloma says, “It was not that her uncle and aunt filled up the space that her parents vacated; it was just that the empty space was fine as it was and no more hurtful than being born with four fingers instead of five” (104). Because of this, Aloma grew up without much familial love, or much love at all. Before Orren, her only true love was the piano. Because of this, Aloma longs for love but does not know how to show it. The piano represents her passions and her ability to love, so it is significant that it is something that Orren pays practically no mind to. He has never heard her play when they move in together, and is oblivious to the fact that the piano in the house is in un-playable condition. This is representative of Orren’s emotional coldness and inability to properly love Aloma after his family’s death. Orren being too poor to purchase Aloma a new piano is representative of how the situation is partially out of Orren’s control. He did not ask for his family to die, and he is trying to cope with it. However, just because he is trying does not change the fact that he is pulling away from Aloma.

Because Orren lost his family suddenly, he is filled with an extreme feeling of loss and pain. He has been left the farm, and he takes over caring for it completely on his own. The farm itself represents Orren’s longing for his family. All his time is taken up by the hard work. In an argument, Aloma says, “It means I don’t ever see you no matter that I live with you and when I do see you, you don’t have anything to say” (106). The farm takes up Orren’s time just like the loss of his family takes away all Orren’s emotional capacity. Aloma cannot relate to Orren’s loss, though she may try. Looking at a picture of Orren’s mother, she says, “I should’ve met her. Cash too, Aloma said. I wish you’d brought me up here before now” (24). This sentence is rather accusatory and insensitive, though Aloma seems to not realize that. She wishes she knew Orren’s family, so she could not what the loss of them felt like. Because she never knew them, the loss of them is much like the loss of her parents. “As a child, she’s tried to invent the feeling of loss inside her. But like the dead, the feeling simply wasn’t there” (104). It is just not there with Orren’s family as well.

The most intimate times between the couple seem to be in the bedroom, and even then, it is not quite romantic. Aloma does not know much of love, and initiates sex to try and show it. Orren will have sex with her, but it is often rather violent or animalistic, and never romantic. This leaves Aloma confused because she thinks that sex is an expression of love and intimacy. During their first time having sex, Aloma describes, “it brought the fact of Orren into a proximity she had not previously imagined. Within, but without at the same time and his face more open and more unreachable than she had imagined a face could be. It moved her in a way that had nothing to do with pleasure” (20).

Aloma and Orren’s inability to understand each other, their ways of loving, and their experiences of loss lead to an unbalanced and unstable relationship.